Many of us will experience some form of grief in our lives, due to loss, but it is helpful to remember that grieving is a process, not a permanent condition. Grief is the energetic and emotional withdrawal that occurs in our being when the vibration and resonance of a person who is no longer here, is removed from our Third Dimensional reality. Particularly when we have experienced the presence of a person, such as our parents, in our lives for many years and then they depart, we go through major energy shifts during the process of permanent Third Dimensional separation. This process is a rather universal one, although in other cultures grief is approached differently. In some societies, after a person dies there is dancing, storytelling, card playing and music. The night of partying is designed to drive away the grief and, for that night at least, it works. In our culture, however, we tend to hold on to our feelings, many times in an attempt to hold on to the person.

Let us try to understand how we are able to approach grief and move gracefully through the process. I lost both my parent within six months of one another. My father passed away suddenly in July 2008. The shock of losing him, my closest and dearest friend, was tremendous. With whom would I exchange new ideas and talk about the books that we both read? Who would think so highly of me and praise my accomplishments? My father was a true gentleman and one of the wisest human being I have ever known. He lived his life graciously and left while he could still live it so. His eighty-six years here were filled with wonder, stimulating his curiosity and driving him to pursue new frontiers and unknown realms of consciousness. He taught me his standard of decency, respect for one’s self and others and most importantly not to ever go below that standard. My father was always there for me and loved me unconditionally, even when it seemed as though I was not entirely there for myself. The joy I have is that I was able to contribute so much to the last years of his life. Quite often he told me that I changed his life and opened new doors for him, even when he was eighty years old. His mind was young and he never ceased to think about possibilities, expressing wisdom that superseded that of most people I have ever known or read about. What a joy to know someone with whom I could share such mutual high regard. It was a gift and a magical experience in my life.

The most delightful moments were when I brought him a new book and watched him immediately open it and start reading a few lines just to get a tidbit of what might be inside. When his eyesight began to decline, I bought him a full spectrum lamp and once again he was able to read his precious books, the window to the exciting frontier just ahead. I truly loved my father and if my life were only to have known him, I would say it was blessed. He was my light and my anchor, my father, Martin William Zellea, 1922-2008.

My mother did not leave this world as suddenly, but by early January 2009 she was gone. Even though it became apparent that she would pass close to the New Year, when it actually happened, it was as if I had never known at all. My mother and I became very spiritually connected towards the end of her life. On a few occasions, while she had been confined to a bed, I told her about everyday events that I had experienced and she discussed them as if she had been there. I became aware that on some level she had been there and was already beginning to experience her ability to be somewhere outside of her body on a non-physical level. She knew when I sent her Distance Reiki, pinpointing the exact time. My mother influenced many lives and more than one person expressed to me that they probably would not be here today if it were not for her.

About a year before she passed, she told me quite casually during lunch, that throughout my life she always believed in me. I know that her love was the blessing and grace that protected me and kept me returning to the right path throughout my life, even when it seemed as though I had lost my way. She never lost her sense of humor and passed that trait on to me. She was my teacher, my mother, Selma Baratta 1926-2009.

The emotions that remained after she left were conflicting and had to be sorted out. I missed her, but I was happy she was no longer suffering. I spent many hours in the hospital and gave her Reiki each time I visited her, placing my hands on her legs while I sat beside her bed. I wanted to do everything possible to make her as comfortable as possible, but afterwards I was thankful I didn’t have to go there anymore be in that depressing environment. I did not allow myself to feel guilty for feeling that way and I accepted that these emotions were not a measure of how much Love I had for my mother, but how much Love I have for myself. My honesty about my sentiments made it easier for me to experience the grieving process.

During the three days after she passed, I was distracted from my emotions while I created a photo slide show DVD for her memorial service, but after the funeral I was confronted with the process that lie before me. My Mother’s death fell even heavier on top of the loss of my father which was still in its own process. I began to feel drained; my usual happy, joyful self was gone. One night as I sat at home, I thought to myself, I do not want to feel like this anymore and I know my Mother and Father would not want me to despair. I made the decision to evaluate the grieving process and by doing so I began to see the process of dying in a completely different light.

First of all, let me say that I am not completely convinced that we are meant to die. It is an almost universal belief that we are, but I often wonder if ages ago, when humanity descended to a certain vibrational level, physical death became part of the Third Dimensional cycle of life. At that point we, as humans, forgot that, when we existed at a higher vibration, we only transformed and ascended, taking our physical form with us. However, since we are working in the framework of physical life and death, I will only venture to say that once the dying process begins, on some levels our energy has already transformed and the rest of us wishes to follow so that we can be whole again. As our Life Force Energy is transferred to its next destination, we become less alive in the Third Dimension. Some people leave suddenly and others take longer, but it is all by design, because, after all, we live in a perfect universe. Therefore, it is a futile exercise for those of us who are still here to wonder what could have been done differently or how a life could have been extended.

When it is time for us to leave this earth, we do, and whatever circumstances are necessary to achieve this departure will be created by our subconscious and our Higher Self. How we leave can be likened to how some people enter the ocean to swim; some run and jump in and some wade in, gradually getting used the water. It is presumed that when a person dies suddenly that it was the physical condition that was responsible, but I believe we have it backwards. The person leaves the body first and then the body, which cannot continue without the Life Force Energy of the person, expires. Similarly, a long term illness is the result of the body reacting to the person’s essence slowly leaving the physical form. When one is ill and it is not time for them to go, the life force energy returns and the person recovers; if it is time to leave this incarnation, there is no physical recovery.

Leaving a Third Dimensional lifetime is not much different than the way we enter the world when you think about it; some births are easy and some very difficult. It is helpful to remember, while experiencing the grieving process, that the Universe is perfectly on time, including the moments that we enter and exit each lifetime. No one leaves before they are meant to; therefore we should not look upon it as something unnatural or untimely. When we truly believe this then, yes, of course we will miss the person, but we will not look upon their leaving as a tragedy or Cosmic mistake. The Universe doesn’t make them.

In addition, beings do not die; they complete incarnations and move on. This is not just an exercise in semantics, nothing truly dies, because everything is made up of energy which cannot be destroyed, only transformed and transmuted into something else. Those we love are always with us and not just in our memories, but in reality, just not the Third Dimensional reality. We are currently in the process of evolving into the Fifth Dimension and beyond, so now it is time to take another view of the processes of life. After all, our belief systems are centuries and ages old, it’s time for a change. Some will die and others may ascend or pass into another reality with bodies intact. Some day dying may even be a very unusual occurrence.

In our modern day lives, many of us are physically located away from extended families and communities in which births and deaths are experienced firsthand on a regular basis. Because of this, we are not accustomed to death as a part of the cycle of life. Death is not a tragedy, but an occasion to celebrate the life of a person and revere the process of the transition. We shall miss them, sometimes terribly, but on the other hand we can remember the time we had with them and that in other dimensions, perhaps we are still together. Remember the Love you shared with those that have gone, the Love that is real and the Love that endures, eternally.

The weekend after my mother passed my Reiki teacher e-mailed me to let me know that she had taught a Reiki II class which included sending Distance Reiki. She asked her students to send Reiki to my situation and afterwards she wrote the following:

What I saw for you was how much you are at peace…not upset…a calmness from within. I saw your Mom and Dad “playing” around you….they get along very well on the other side…very playful and very much right around you. Your Father is on your right and your Mom on your left. When I sent Reiki to your spiritual body, it was beautiful. I saw your beautiful spirit…glowing and very full. Two weeks later I took an astrology class and when the teacher read my chart she mentioned that my mother left at a very auspicious time.

I found this very comforting and also quite interesting, because during the last days of my mother’s life she told me that she kept thinking about my father, even though they had been separated for over fifty years. My father once told me, a man always loves his first wife. I began to realize that when we are connected with someone on one level and even if we do not spend our entire life with them, the connection always remains, many times just as strong, if not stronger. Amongst my father’s possessions was a small glass bird. Amongst my mother’s possessions also was a small glass bird. Both birds now reside on a table in front of my balcony window looking out over the horizon.

Currently I view death very differently than I once did. Why should it bring such sorrow? Why should we make part of someone’s life sad or tragic? We are joyous when someone is born, but why so unhappy when something that we believe to be inevitable, and even natural, occurs? If it were true that after we die it is the end, then it would be very sad, but that is not the case. We are eternal beings, souls living a human experience, who continue on to whatever lies beyond the human adventure. When we are sadly mourning someone, we are trying to hold on to that person, we are reacting to the withdrawal of their energy from ours. In addition, we act the way we believe we should act, we know no other way.

No matter how long someone is here on earth, it is according to plan. They are here for as long as they are meant to be here and we need not be sad, but rather look back on what that person accomplished in their life or how others were affected by that person’s existence, no matter how long it lasted. By mourning a person we are only recognizing the Third Dimensional part of their life and our own for that matter. That person is not gone, they are just not here. Perhaps we are sad when faced with death because we know that we are really meant to ascend and that dying is a mistake we have been repeating for centuries, lifetime after lifetime. On the other hand, if a person’s death is truly the successful conclusion of a contract, which they agreed to prior to being born, then it should be a satisfying event, something like a perfectly completed project. Our views are outdated, part of an antiquated belief system; therefore I am confident that our ideas of how our Third Dimensional incarnation should end or evolve, must and will change.